MISSING MATERIAL

By Paul Schneidmill

I have no idea how long ago it began, but the famous mantra for people wanting to start a business, “Find a Need and Meet it,” was taken to a whole new level. 

Somebody realized that there was a market for people who wanted to wear clothes that had holes and/or tears in them.  People now own and proudly wear pairs of jeans and other garments that are frayed, torn and in my mind – missing material…just like the jeans and pants torn up by youth playing sandlot baseball or football in the world that preceded the Xbox and the PlayStation (which destroyed outdoor playing for youth throughout much of the current world).  This to me, is utterly amazing.  That’s because it is utterly amazing to me that people will spend significant amounts of money to purchase clothes that look like the tailor may have fallen asleep at the sewing machine wheel, or accidentally (in a slightly strategic manner) hacked the clothes with scissors and then sent the damaged apparel on to the distribution phase of the business.  Utterly amazing.

To say the least in my opinion, the clothes of this new style, simply look damaged.  My beautiful wife of 27 years now owns a pair of these missing material jeans, which she states are called “Distressed Jeans.”  Why would jeans be distressed?  When I think of the word “distressed,” I think of someone or something being in trouble.  When I imagine “jeans” and “distressed” together, I see an image of a pair of jeans tied to a railroad track, waiting for Dudley Do Right to come and rescue them from being run over by a train as he so faithfully did for Nell (depending on who you are, you may have to Google Dudley to understand the imagery).  Furthermore, if the jeans are “distressed,” is it also possible they can be depressed?  Need healthcare?  Medications maybe? 

I recently enjoyed a hilarious moment while attending one of the “Happy Hour” activities at my Mom’s Nursing Facility.  A comedian wearing “distressed” jeans was doing his abysmal best to try to make the residents laugh via his comedy routine.  The funniest part the routine (unplanned or expected by him I’m sure) was when an elderly woman resident rolled her wheelchair close to where he was performing, appraised his attire and loudly proclaimed, “You are raggedy!”  It wasn’t just his comedic monologue that was missing material!

I’m now considering starting my own clothing and apparel company, which I will call it a variation of this writing’s title: “Missing Key Material.”   I plan to be little revolutionary in my approach to the business – like make suit and sports jackets with one sleeve only, or designer shoes without the tongues, and significantly ventilated underwear.  I’ll also have a great sales slogan – “Our unique brand of clothing is fashioned and inspired by the stories reported by most contemporary News Outlets today – “Missing Key Material”…a social phenomenon today that I also find utterly amazing.

© 2019 Paul Schneidmill, All Rights Reserved

Email Paul:    jehoiada@comcast.net

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