It started down at the DMV

By J. D. Pendry

My day that is.  I walked up to the counter, proper paperwork in hand.  The gentlemen, who never once looked at me, nary a glance, inquired “What are you here for?”  The look on his face suggested a laxative might be in order.  “Good morning.  Registration renewal”, I offered.  “Did you get a renewal notice?”  “Yessir.”  Glancing in my direction but never making eye contact, he ripped a ticket number from the desktop machine and handed it to me.  Such a pleasant exchange.  Laxative for certain.  The ticket read D613.

I sat down.  At 9 AM there wasn’t much of a crowd.  Still, it seemed to me like there were many able-bodied people there that time of the morning in a country where we reportedly have a million more unfilled jobs than we have people looking for work.  Thinking positively, I figured they must be working the night shift.  Maybe over at the 24-hour Super Center.  Well all of them but the guy with the long pony-tail and a Fu Manchu.  A Sheriff’s Deputy walked in with him in tow.  Something about an expired registration.  Most definitely he was hopelessly trapped in the 60’s.  The low, almost mumbling pot head manner of expression was the giveaway.  The deputy should have administered a urinalysis.

All around there were signs. “Avoid the wait.  Renew Online.”  Most everyone I could see waiting for the automaton to call their number had their noses buried in a cell phone.  I figured they were all tech savvy enough to complete an online renewal.  Maybe if the sign added: And you can do it from your smart phone.

The numbering system remains a mystery.  I watched and listened while the numbers ticked off.  D610, D611, D612 all sent to the same window out of about a dozen.  Then the lady at that window, stood, grabbed her purse and coffee cup, pushed her chair under the table and walked out.  By then, it was about 9:30 AM.  The place opened at 8:30, break time is 9:30.  I wondered if they had any job openings.  A001, A002, A003…. After what seemed like a long while, a new lady showed up at another window.  She plopped some stuff down and walked away.  Coffee cup in hand she finally returned, fidgeted with her chair, the papers on her desktop, took a piece of paper from beneath her keyboard, and started pecking away.  It was a password under the keyboard I guessed.  Access to the entire state’s DMV data base.  D613.  I mentally did my happy dance and about 2 minutes later I walked out the door pondering whether I’d prefer the online experience.  Then it occurred to me that the people running this operation also run that one.

It was rainy out.  Lately I could say that about any day but I have yet to review the specifications for the Ark.  It’s more than a week since I last mowed the lawn.  When it finally dries out, mowing should be an adventure.  I found a dead rabbit kitten the last time I mowed.  It wasn’t me that did it.  Likely feral cats. The same ones that use my flower beds for litter boxes.

Headed up the boulevard doing the 50-mph limit, an elderly gentleman pulled out in front of me and accelerated to a blistering 20-mph.  On a wet, water covered road in his light in the backside pick-up truck.  Using my exceptional driving skills, I was able to avoid catastrophe.  I smiled and tipped the bill of my cap as I passed.  He was a kindly looking old fellow.  No, I did not tip it with that finger.  This is West Virginia and there was likely a loaded weapon nearby although the DMV left me in the mood for a running gun battle.  It wasn’t two whole minutes before another nitwit did it again.  That’s when I thought one more time boy and all hades is going to break loose.

Kind of behind with things here in the bunker.  Someone told me that retired life is like having 7-day weekends.  Clearly that was made up by someone hoping to retire someday.  There’s always plenty to do as I explained to one the American Journal writers, recently I’m busier than a one-legged man in a butt kicking contest.  Problem is, I’m always doing the necessary things when I want to be doing other stuff.  But, back to my day of retired life.

Suzie-Q and I determined we needed a piece of furniture so we left the DMV headed for the furniture store.  We were greeted at the door by a kindly looking lady.  She spoke quite softly, which means I barely heard a word she said.  We are looking for a chest of drawers we explained.  She said follow me.  She was not very mobile, but finally directed us to some displays and pointed out a couple of selections.  Suzie-Q, who is rather matter of fact, declared those are the ugliest things she’d ever seen and wouldn’t consider them even if they were free.  I got into whistling mode and wandered away.  Unassisted, we finally located an oak chest that what we wanted, bought it and departed.  We went to lunch, the first pleasant experience of the day.

Retired life is good, but sometimes my brain clutters up with stuff like this that you must endure.  Please hit the share button multiple times.  If I have a good week, I may make 3 cents from Google ads. Okay, I’ll try to move along to something serious.  Truthfully, probably not.

© 2019 J. D. Pendry, J. D. Pendry’s American Journal, All Rights Reserved, Email JD: jd@jdpendry.com

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4 Replies to “It started down at the DMV”

  1. Dee Armstrong

    Thank goodness we have DoD identification to travel by air (retired military). We live about two hours from the Canadian border and, at one time, want to visit the Canadian side of Glacier National Park. We still need a passport for that. I can think of better ways to spend my money and my time.

    My experience with the West Virginia DMV was the worst ever. The document reviewer wanted my birth certificate, all my divorce papers and my marriage licenses (embarrassingly, I’ve been married twice before). I couldn’t find my first divorce papers from 30 years ago but argued that I couldn’t have re-married unless I had gotten divorced. And why would my daughter’s father pay child support for ten years if we weren’t divorced? Logic is not in the DMV vocabulary.

  2. Kelleigh Nelson

    Hahahahahhaha! Sounds like an everyday occurrence doesn’t it! Well, did you know that in October 2020, we will have to have a special license to travel, either that or an up-to-date Passport, and…if your passport is within 6 mos. of expiring, you will not be allowed to travel outside of the country. Allegedly they believe you could get stuck in another country with an expired passport.

    Just as with your DMV enjoyment, my older sister in CA spent two days in DMV getting what I just described above. It was a nightmare, but she has much more patience than I do. She ended up calling up the State dept. that runs it, told them what the problems were that she witnessed and they offered her a job. She said, NOT IN THIS LIFETIME!

    One has to wonder what is in the water in DC that the federal govt. reps have to pass laws like this that make life miserable for American citizens. Truly, there must be something in the water that turns their brains to mush!

    1. JD Pendry Post author

      The last time I renewed my driver’s license I had to have proof of citizenship and proof of residency. The lady then asked me if I wanted it to be a Federal Identification card. Told here I already had one, it was and Armed Forces Retired card.

      1. Kelleigh Nelson

        Well, there you go honey child…you have to have a fed ID card, is this a bunch of hokum or what? Think about E-verify….everyone is trying to pass that piece of garbage, and what people don’t realize is that every American citizen will have to go through a government data base to be approved to apply for a job. Ain’t that sweet! But the purveyors of E-Verify tell all the dumbed down Americans that we need it to keep illegals from being employed by American corporations. Yeah right, it’s just another spy system against us all.

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